Are you losing control, or losing power?

Is there a difference between control and power? Many people confuse the one with the other. You see, it is not true that you will have power when you have control and if you lose control, it does not mean you have to lose your power.

We make a promise in our Personal Success Story workshop that it will help you figure out what parts of your story you have control over and what parts you don’t. This does not mean we promise that you will regain control. We do, however promise to create a space where you can regain power.

Control is the illusion of power. Real power, is being strong inspite of a sense of being out of control.

Here is an example of what I mean.

In the movie UP, Mr. Frederickson feels out of control from the moment he discovers the boy scout has joined him on his voyage. From that moment on he responds to challenges with resistance. He wants to get to  Paradise Falls and he strives towards it with all his might. Around every turn he meets with characters that slows him down, takes him on detours and confuses the goal.

Finally he chases them all away and forces himself to the Fall. There he sits down to enjoy the rewards of reaching his goal – he was successful at last. Yet, it is not what he expected. With the help of his late beloved wife Elli’s Adventure book, he rediscovers the true value of an adventure: not reaching the destination (paradise Falls) but enjoying the journey with your companions.

There and then he makes a choice to embrace the new companions he had met and support them in their quest. He reunites with the talking dog and sacrifices all his resources to help the boy and the exotic bird Kevin.

Personal success is dependent on the choices you make in the darkest moments of your journey.

These choices, stories teach us, either produce success or they lead to ultimate downfall. Either you receive reward beyond your wildest imagination, or you regress to a point worse than where you started.

In UP Mr. Frederickson makes a choice for relationship vs reaching his destination – he chooses power over control.  This motivates him through the worst ordeal of the entire story and causes him to lose all that he used to hold dear. But he gains a new life and a new set of companions to share the adventure with.

Mr. Frederickson was able to give up control and regain his power. This is my hope for all of us:

To allow our darkest moments to manifest our main motivation: the thing that matters more than staying in control. There lies true power.

The Mr. Frederickson response is therefore to let go of the ideals you were holding on to in favour of new growth and change.

But stories teach us two other responses

The Brave Heart response comes when you discover in that moment that you cannot let go of the thing you are holding on to. This may be because it really is your true ;power and you have been chosen to manifest it in a world that resists your truth. In that case holding on would also access your true power. Still, you would need to let go of everything else and give up control in that way. You may even have to be willing to give your life like Brave Heart.

In the Oedipus response the main character is also brought to his darkest moment and confronted with his own truth and the greater good, but is unable to let go the obsession that is driving him (his version of Paradise Falls).  The consequences of such a choice, stories teach us, is devastating. Characters like Oedipus, Othello, Macbeth and Clever Elsie all end up worse than where they started, these are not success stories.

May you know when to let go and when to hold on so you can access your power.

Go out and be a Mr. Frederickson or a Brave Heart

For more on you and your life story, join our story class in Stellenbosch

Dr. Petro Janse van Vuuren

Click on the links below for more info about our Personal Success Story workshops in your area.
Western Cape

Improv Class 2.6 – Who is the hero in your story?

In his book “A million miles in a thousand years” Don Miller distils the essence of a good story as “a character that wants something and overcomes conflict to get it”. In the previous class we focused on creating a strong character (a character that knows what he/she wants). Now to write this character into a good story he/she needs to overcome some kind of conflict to get what he/she wants. In her article, “A Story structure for change and growth”, (click here to download article) Petro Janse van Vuuren identifies 4 essential characters that make up a good story. The first is the protagonist (hero/main character) of the story – the character that wants something. The second is the antagonist (nemesis/villain). The antagonist is in direct conflict of the protagonist and doesn’t want the protagonist to get what they want. A third character is the mentor (guide/guardian angel). The mentor helps and guides the protagonist to get what they want. The last character is the contagonist (obstacle/ tempter). The role of the contagonist is to distract the protagonist from achieving what he/she really wants. The contagonist is not in direct conflict with the protagonist like the antagonist. The contagonist tests the protagonist, to see if he/she is worthy of getting what he/she wants.

In Monday night’s class we played a new game that I made up based on these 4 characters. I call this game “The 4 roles game”. In the game 4 players are each given one of the 4 different characters. Three scenes are played. The first scene is between the protagonist and the mentor. In this scene what the protagonist wants must be clearly defined. In the next scene the protagonist meets the contagonist, who tries to distract the protagonist from achieving his/her goal. In the last scene the protagonist faces the antagonist and must overcome him/her to get what he/she wants. Here is an example from last night’s class. Ruan played a dancer who wanted to win the Olympic dance medal. Luci played the mentor who taught him to dance from his heart. In the next scene Ruan is distracted by his girlfriend (contagonist) played by Minki who wants him to copy other dance styles in his dancing. In the last scene Ruan is faced with his arch nemesis (antagonist) Juan-Philip, 3 times dance world champion played by Olaf. In order to beat him Ruan remembers the words of his mentor, reminding him to dance from his heart. His own authentic dance style overwhelms Juan-Philip and he wins the Olympic dance medal. WOW, what a beautiful story, made up right there on the spot because everyone knew what role they had to play.

So what role are you playing in your own life? Are you the hero? Or are you your own antagonist, preventing yourself from getting what you really want? Or are you the hero but find yourself lured and occupied by the distractions of a contagonist in your life? Or don’t you know what you really want so you are not really living a good story? Are you experiencing life as a series of random events? (If you want to read more about knowing what you want read my previous blog “what do you really want?”)
You are the author of your own life story and you have the power to cast the other roles in your life. Think of someone who you have cast as an antagonist in your life. Maybe you want to quit your job and start your own business but your father or your husband doesn’t want you to for whatever reason. You can cast them as an antagonist who is preventing you from getting what you want. However you can cast them as a contagonist who is helping you to know if you are ready for this big step. Or you can even cast them as a mentor that is guiding you to make an informed decision. The way you cast them will determine how you will react towards them and the influence they will have on you. In this story the antagonist isn’t really your father or your husband. The real antagonist is being stuck in a job that is not allowing you to live out your passion.

Understanding that all 4 roles are essential for a good story will help you to recognize and accept conflict, temptation and support in your life so that you can be the hero of your own life story and get what you really want out of life.

If you want to know more about how to become the hero of your own life story attend our Personal Success Story workshop.

Click on the following links for a Personal success Story workshop in your area.
Western Cape
Gauteng
KZN

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